Cry Silent Tears
by LoveBook21
Summary: If you and I met in one of our classroom's, in the Hob, or at a friend's house, you'd never guess my secret: that as a young woman I fell in love with a man who beat and raped me regularly and nearly killed me. I was always tensed for my next mistake, his next attack. The only person I was hiding the truth from was myself. My name is Katniss Everdeen and this is my story. Haymiss x
1. Shattered

**Helloo! This is my first fanfiction so I really hope you enjoy it! I would appreciate it if you could leave me a review about my work so far! Thank You!**

**Oh and I need to warn you that there will be abuse and rape scenes throughout my whole story so if those subjects upset you, I recommend that you don't read this fanfic. Enjoy!**

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Agonizing pain shoots through my body as the blows rain down on me. My cheek is still tender from the slap I received the other day. I can feel a warm liquid running down the side of my arm. _My blood._ This is not a rare occurrence; in fact, it happens more often than not. My boyfriend, Gale Hawthorne, beating me senseless. He doesn't even have to have a reason to hurt me.

"Why the FUCK was you hanging around with Thresh, Catnip?" Gale roars in anger before kicking me in the stomach. I let out a chilling scream of agony.

"I'm sorry Gale! I didn't mean too, he came over to me!" I whimper, crawling on my hands and knees away from him. I can tell by the look in Gale's eyes that he doesn't believe me.

"Katniss, Katniss, Katniss..." Gale says sadistically as he slowly makes his way over to me.

When Gale finally reaches me, he pulls me up roughly before slamming me into a wall and pinning my arms above my head. I can feel a stabbing pain in my left leg but I try to ignore it as Gale's hands roam over my body possessively. He is touching me in a rough, hungry way. I try to wriggle away from him but his grip just tightens on me even more. I already know what Gale is going to do. The best thing for me to do is not resist or it will be even more painful. I try to block out what he is doing but the sudden burning, ripping feeling I feel between my legs makes it impossible. I shudder and scream louder than I'd ever screamed in my life, as I feel the skin inside of me rip and bleed. I keep screaming. He starts thrusting.

When he is finally done violating me, he throws me across the room as if I am trash to him. Before he walks out of the room, he turns to me and says sweetly.

"I hope you have learned your lesson Catnip. You are Mine. I don't want to see you with Thresh or any other male bastard from school or I will personally escort you and your sister Prim to your graves."

Gale slams the door on the way out and I can't help but shiver at the threat. _Prim. He can't hurt her. She's the only person in the world I'm certain I love._

I have considered suicide more than once but the only thing keeping me going is Prim. She is only three years old and I am all she has. Both of our parents were killed in a blazing fire. Two years later, I still wake up screaming for them to run. Gale's father was also killed in that fire and his mother was overcome with grief. She ending up killing herself and Gale couldn't handle what had happened to his family. So he turned to drugs, abuse and alcohol. I remember the day he first hit me as if it was yesterday...

_Two years ago..._

_I can feel the snow hit my face as I jog back home. I had just visited my best friend, Madge Undersea, we had a movie night with popcorn and sweets. I loved the movie, we watched Sinister because me and Madge both love horror movies. So, now I am on my way home trying not to be sick. I ate too much... When I finally get back into my apartment, I see Gale pacing in my living room. _

_"Gale?" I ask and when he faces me, the first thing I notice is his expression. Anger._

_"Where the fuck was you? I thought you was fucking dead, you stupid slut!"_

_And then he hits me, hard, across the face. I stumble back in shock. Gale leaves the room straight after hitting me and slams the front door. I cringe at the slam, trying to figure out what had just happened..._

As I come back to reality, I notice that I am in a crouched position with my head in my hands, leaning against the wall. I slowly get up and make my way into Prim's bedroom. She still lays sleeping in her toddler bed. _I don't have a clue how she sleeps through Gale's shouting but she does. _I pull the covers up to her neck and kiss her forehead before leaving the room, quietly. After I have brushed my teeth, I slowly climb into bed and fall asleep.


	2. Unexpected feelings

I am woken a couple of hours later by the sound of screaming. _Prim... _I slowly drag myself out of bed and trudge into Prim's bedroom. As soon as I enter her room, she locks her bright blue eyes on me and carries on screaming. I sigh then make my way over to her and pick her up. I start to sing her favourite song softly to her...

"Deep in the meadow, under the willow. A bed of grass, a soft green pillow. Lay down your head and close your sleepy eyes. And when again they open, the sun will rise."

As I sing, Prim's screams quiet down and she listens to the sound of my voice intently. I can tell by the way she is watching me that she is entranced by my singing. My mother always told me that my voice is breath-taking. I got my singing voice from my father, his voice was exquisite. I remember when we went hunting out in the woods and he would sing for the Mocking Jay's. After a polite pause, they would always sing back.

As soon as my song has ended, Prim is fast asleep in my arms. I gently place her back in her bed and make my way into the Kitchen. I pick up the house phone and call Leevy. I ask Leevy if she can baby-sit Prim for the day and in response, I receive a quiet murmur of assent before she hangs up the phone. I take a quick shower and by the time I'm done, Leevy is knocking on the front door. I let her in and tell her I don't know what time I'll be back before heading outside into the cool morning air.

Even though it is not yet 10am, the day is glorious with a blue sky and gentle breeze. I look up at the clear blue sky, to watch the last grey cloud disappear, revealing the blinding sun. A warm sensation of heat washes through my body, clearing out any negative energies. I take a deep breath and then start to make my way to my best friend, Johanna's house. I have known Johanna all my life, we used to play together when we were little. She's like the older sister I never had. We have gotten closer over the past couple of years as we both are parent-less and we have been through a lot of grief and sorrow.

When I finally arrive at Jo's house, I knock on her front door and wait. A couple of seconds later, Johanna opens the door.

"Hey Brainless." I smile and she lets me in.

"Hey Jo." I say.

Johanna goes straight over to get some liquor and pours us both a glass.

"How come your drinking so early?" I ask her, curious.

She never drinks before 11am unless she has someone around. Jo smirks and then I see someone exit her bedroom. _Oh My God... _Haymitch Abernathy. What. The. Fucking. Hell. Johanna laughs at my expression and Haymitch is grinning at me. I snap out of it.

"Okay! I am officially confused! Why do you have Haymitch in your bedroom? What the hell is going on?" I ask, bewildered. Haymitch guffaws at me before explaining.

"Chill out, Sweetheart. I didn't sleep with your precious Jo bear." Johanna scowls at the nickname but Haymitch continues, "I only slept here because I had an argument with Effie last night and we both need some time apart. So I slept on Jo's couch and took a shower in the bathroom in her bedroom."

Well, that explains a lot except that I thought Effie and Haymitch would constantly be at each other's throats. Maybe I was wrong about them.

"Okay." I tell him then make myself comfortable on the couch. "I'm just surprised it took so long for an argument to occur..." I tell him and he shrugs then leaves the room. Johanna sits next to me on the couch and just stares at me for a while.

"What?" I finally ask her, annoyed.

"Oh nothing... It's just you seemed to be jealous when Haymitch came out of my bedroom..." She whispers, grinning and I gawk at her. What the fuck is she going on about?

"Huh?" I ask, perplexed.

"You like him" She whispers in my ear and giggles. I can feel the blush rising in my cheeks and I lightly slap her arm.

"No, I don't. So get that thought out of your head because I'm with Gale and you know what will happen if he finds out I like someone else..." I trail off and Jo's eyes narrow in understanding.

She nods her head but I can see a gentle smile on her lips in the corner of my eye. I try to ignore what she said about me liking Haymitch. Mainly because the guy is old enough to be my father! I shouldn't like him but... do I? I don't have a clue what my expression was when Haymitch came out of Jo's bedroom and I really don't want to know... So I try to take my mind off of things.

"Do you have any decent movies Jo?" I ask her and she raises an eyebrow as if to say _Are you crazy? Of course I have decent movies! _I roll my eyes and then start to look through her movies. I end up picking a movie called, "Insidious." and as we watch it, I can't help it as my eyes flicker towards Jo's bedroom. _What is he doing in there? Is he going to come out? Will I see him before I leave?_

Okay, I am confused again. Why the hell am I thinking about him? Why the fuck do I care about him? I don't really pay attention to the rest of the movie as I try to sort out my thoughts. Johanna has to kick me when the movie ends because I am still sitting here staring into space, like a weirdo. Johanna gives me a knowing look and I scowl at her before making my way to her bathroom. I sort out my hair and splash cold water on my face. _Get your shit together, Katniss. You don't love this guy. You detest him, remember? _I take a deep breath and leave the bathroom. Only to then bump into a rock hard chest.

"Ooofh..." I fall to the ground, land on my ass and look up to see Haymitch looking down at me with surprise on his face.

"Katniss, I'm so sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going." Haymitch says quickly and then helps me up.

"I'm fine." I mutter, avoiding eye contact with him. _Why am I acting like this?_

"I should go... I need to get home to Prim." I turn away from him and head to the living room. I tell Johanna that I have to go home.

"Can't you stay for another hour, brainless?" She asks and I normally would say no but I actually don't want to leave so I mutter.

"Fine, I'm sure one more hour can't hurt anybody..." Johanna cheers and pulls me down onto the sofa to wrestle. Johanna loves to fight and so do I. We end up fighting every time we see each other... to get rid of the anger we feel. This is how I explain the bruises Gale gives me, I just say Johanna was a little rough in our fighting session and everybody believes me.


End file.
